Does the pain ever go away?

 

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I had a mother ask me today if the pain ever goes away. Well, I am sorry to say, that's a BIG NO.
I find that over the years the pain just gets deeper. Nothing can replace your child, no time can replace the heartache.
I think for me, we just learn to live with the pain. We adjust our lives to fit the pain in. We live around the pain. Some days are better than others. We learn to function in this world the best we can. One thing I hate to say but,  " It is what it is ". Life keeps going on even if for us time has stopped. Coping with this can be very hard on parents. Everyone around you wants you to just be YOU again. Well, I can say this, you'll NEVER be that person again. I am not saying you can't be happy again, it's OK to be happy, to laugh, to smile, to live. This is what our children want  most. They want for us to go on with life and be happy. You just have to learn to live again and to place your broken piece's of who you where into their new spots. This is possible and it takes time and the will to accomplish it. You can give yourself every reason to hate life, to hate others, to hate you but, why live like that? Do you honestly think your child wants that? I don't.  I know first hand on how it feels about hating yourself or wanting nothing more than to be with your child. I know it's HARD and the pain is deep. But, what in life is easy? We can't stop living. We have to be strong and stand tall and make them proud.
Losing a child is a nightmare that I wish on no one but, there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. You just have to be willing to put the work in.
So, does pain REALLY go away?
Ha! I WISH it did, cause it really hurts so much.

And I ask how was your day??
Be well with love, Candi

Perfection

Perfection--- what is it and why is everyone  trying so hard to be perfect. Why can't  we just be happy with who we are on the inside. Looks fade.. there is always going to be some one prettier than me or you.. I have come to see this in a very hard way. FOR YEARS I hated everything about me. I always wanted to be shorter, skinner, prettier. and for many years I was trying to be something I am not.. It got so bad I would go days without eating I would run miles on end.. I wouldn't be able to stand up to quick because I would almost pass out... I hated me... Not because I want to hate me but I was always trying to make someone else happy.. I finally realized I am who I am hate me or love me... I can't be anything but me... If you don't like me then that's on you, and you can Fu*k off =0)
I think it's sad that we can't just love each other for what we are not for what we look like.  "WE" are always looking for something better. Bigger houses, better cars, More Money. It's great to want more out of life. But in the end that house and all the fancy cars will never make you happy. I think perfection is not being perfect. Perfection is what you can see in someone that they can't see in them self.  When you LOVE someone you love them for all the imperfect things they do perfectly.... it's as simple as that...Love is building someone up, not pushing them down. When you love someone you want that person to dream big and follow that dream even if you don't believe in it. That's just it  it's their dreams. You don't question it--you just support it.
I think if we were all perfect what a boring world this one be...
I love being able to see what others can't.. life isn't perfect. But it is what YOU make it.. You can either take all you flaws and own them and in brace them OR you can hide from them and beat yourself up over  something someone else doesn't like about you. I love all the imperfect things about me. Oh an the list is a long one. But I wouldn't change who I am not for a second.. I love me and who I am.. You should try it too. Just remember for all the things one persons dislikes about you another person will love  =0)




There is a quote I love.. “Love isn't finding a perfect person. It's seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” This is so true to me.. I love you for all the imperfect things.


Be well with LOVE, Candi
and I ask how was your day?


Song for the night.. Bruno Mars. Just the way you are.


This song says it all.......

My butterfly

Today I sat by your grave missing you so much wondering what you would be like your hair color your smile missing a the little things Mothers take for granted, Just missing you. ( 11) would you like dancing what kind of music would you listen to. Who would your best friends be, sleepovers just the little things like hearing you call me mom, It has been a hard  11 years of missing you I know you are watching over us and keeping little man safe but A big part of me just wants you here with us,  Kat I love you and there is not a minute of the day that I don't miss and think about you. I sent out so many Ribbons this  last week and everyone I send out is one more person who knows your name and this has made me smile knowing that with out you we would not have babieswithwings and we would not have help others who are just like me MISSING apart of them. Kat I love you and I miss you thank you for letting me be your Mommy, I will see you soon, keep sending me your butterflies, One landed on Romeo's finger and I took a picture before it flew away, I know this was you just coming to say hello, WE miss and love you lots,
I will talk to you soon
Love you forever and always your Mommy

dealing with healing

 

This blog tonight is for all the mothers who have babies with wings. I know right now you are facing your worst nightmare and feel trapped. I know having a voice right now is hard and like I have said before everyone grieves different. So please know if a friend or family member are not acting HOW you think they should be. This doesn't mean they don't care, They simply grief differently, maybe they really don't know what to say or how to say it to you. Please don't force them they will come around when they are ready to. When I lost my baby many people close to me stop calling and coming around, 9 years later and the same people don't even mention her name. I couldn't understand why and I was very angry about it, But I have learned to understand that everyone is different and I can't push them into talking about her. To many people death is very scary, and the death of a baby is the least expected to happen. This is why I put this site and my story out there to help others deal with this unfair journey. Did you know in the English language there is no word for what you are when you loss a baby. I believe there should be and this is why babies with wings is here today.
We are all going through the same things and walking down the same road. I know it is always easier to walk that road with a friend then alone. So please let's walk it together.
Please know if you haven't found your voice yet and are unable to speak about your baby with wings, know my voice is big enough for the both of us.(you can ask anyone who knows me). I will be your voice until you find yours. In time you will find it and the healing will begin. It takes time so don't rush it."baby steps'. little by little and we will get there. Please take a look at my Resource  page their are many helpful links and wonderful people who really care and are willing to help at www.babieswithwings.com As I end my night remember everyone deals and heals differently. Always here to listen to what ever you may have to say. And I ask how was your day????
Candi xoxo

 

Babieswithwings

Welcome to my first blog.. this blog is a little about what it is I do. I will be blogging about how I was able to cope with the loss of my first child. I hope that you will follow my blogs and see that you can relive a happy and healthy life after losing a baby/child
B.W.W. is a special place for grieving parents who have lost a baby/child at any stage of a pregnancy, and after birth. We also encourage family and friends to visit Babies with wings. We have provided many resources and support for all grieving members.

Babies with wings Provides links to many wonderful sites, We also have a memory page and will add your angels name to it and light a candle in their memory, We will do the best to help you deal with this very difficult time in your life. We want you to know you're never alone. We also would love to hear from you feel free to email us your story and we will post it on our other mothers stories page. We believe reading how others have coped with their loss can help you cope with yours.

I hope after you visit us you will leave with the friendship, support and resources you were seeking. I hope you also find some peace and comfort knowing we are here for you, and you're not alone in this.....
Candi
email us @ babieswithwings@gmail.com
If your in need of financial aid for funeral costs please contact us, We will do are best to help you in your time of need.. We never turn any families in need away. We will try our best to help as long as we have the funds. We work strictly off of donations,So if we have the funds we will be more than happy to help.